my lifes a joke what was it thinking

what was i thinking im just a person in this world. put on this planet for god knows why. i try so hard at everything i do but always feel like i fail everything and fail everyone. im not to sure what im doing now but i tried. skier me be a skier yea tried that. i thought skiing maked me happy which i does but when you cant do it then im the sadest person alive. relationships me nah to nice of a guy. i walk alone all the time. not knowing where to go wondering. trying to get away from things. when you should stay and battle those feelings and emotions. i tried and tried. thats something that i will always have is the will to keep going and never let something get you down to much. iv been doing it all my life but its gotten to me now i think. where am i heading right now? what am i supposed to do now. i fell hard this time and am trying to stand on two feet again. i have amazing friends i really do, but they arnt true love. you love them as family. not that induvidual love you put all your feelings into. i dont know what im saying anymore. trying to stay strong trying to keep my head held high. everyone has emotions even if you hide them. its because your scarred of that feeling. your scarred to let go of those feelings. dontlet them go and dont be scarred. hold them and cherish them which they are the thoughts that get you by sometimes when your down and in need. i just want to find home. i want to not be alone. i want to never give up that feeling of hope and love. its a battle and it is the toughest one to fight. dont stop keep going.